Hyacinth’s Luxury Coach Trip… That Went Completely Off Route

Hyacinth Bouquet—pronounced Bouquet, as she reminded the booking office no fewer than four times—was positively radiant after securing what she described as “an exclusive cultural excursion for discerning travellers.”

Richard folded the brochure and adjusted his glasses.

“It says it’s a coach trip to three historic villages and a cream tea.”

Hyacinth smiled patiently.

“That’s merely the printed description, Richard. These events become exceptional when attended by exceptional people.”

Richard decided not to ask what that meant.

Elizabeth arrived wearing a sensible coat and clutching a small handbag with both trembling hands.

“I’ve packed motion sickness tablets… just in case.”

“Really, Elizabeth,” Hyacinth sighed, “we are travelling fifteen miles, not crossing the Atlantic.”

A familiar rumble echoed outside.

Onslow’s old car rolled to a stop.

Out climbed Daisy, Rose, and Onslow.

“What are you lot doing here?” Hyacinth gasped.

Daisy looked surprised.

“We booked the same trip.”

“There must be some dreadful administrative mistake.”

Onslow grinned.

“Nope. It was half-price with my pension card.”

Hyacinth looked as though someone had announced that Buckingham Palace was offering discount vouchers.

Rose twirled happily.

“I do hope there’ll be handsome men on the coach.”

“There will,” Onslow said.

“The driver.”

The coach arrived moments later, gleaming in the morning sunshine.

Hyacinth glided aboard first.

“I believe seats at the front are traditionally reserved for ladies of refinement.”

The driver smiled politely.

“They’re actually first come, first served.”

Hyacinth froze.

Unfortunately, Onslow had already wandered aboard through the rear entrance and settled into the very front seat.

“Lovely view,” he announced.

Richard quietly whispered,

“I think we can sit behind him.”

Hyacinth inhaled deeply.

“I refuse to spend an entire day looking at Onslow’s cap.”

Just then the cheerful tour guide picked up the microphone.

“Welcome, everyone! Today’s journey will include a surprise stop that isn’t listed in the brochure.”

The passengers applauded.

Hyacinth beamed.

“How delightfully exclusive.”

The guide smiled.

“We’re making an emergency detour because the main road is closed.”

Hyacinth’s smile vanished instantly.

“What sort of detour?”

The driver chuckled.

“A very memorable one.”