The telephone had barely finished its first ring when Hyacinth Bucket—pronounced Bouquet, as she firmly believed every civilized person should know—glided across the sitting room with the grace of someone expecting Buckingham Palace on the line.
“The Bouquet residence,” she answered in her most aristocratic voice. “Lady of the house speaking.”
Richard looked over the top of his newspaper.
“You’ve never said that before.”
“I felt the occasion required it.”
A polite voice replied, “Good morning. I’m calling from the County Civic Office regarding tomorrow’s Community Excellence Award.”
Hyacinth’s eyes widened.
“How delightful.”
“We’re confirming arrangements for the presentation.”
Hyacinth barely heard another word. In her imagination, “County Civic Office” had already become “Royal Household.”
When she finally hung up, she clasped both hands dramatically.
“Richard… tomorrow we may be receiving very distinguished visitors.”
Richard frowned.
“I thought they were presenting an award to the gardening club.”
“They often begin with gardening.”
Within twenty minutes, Hyacinth had telephoned Elizabeth.
“Oh, Elizabeth! I require your assistance immediately. There is every possibility that someone with royal connections will be visiting.”
Elizabeth nearly dropped her teacup.
“Royal?”
“I cannot reveal details.”
“You don’t know them, do you?”
“I choose not to.”
Across the street, Onslow was washing his car with surprising enthusiasm.
Daisy looked suspicious.
“Since when do you wash the car?”
“I’m not.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m leaning on the hose.”
Rose came dancing out of the house.
“I’ve heard Hyacinth’s expecting royalty!”
Onslow laughed.
“Poor royalty.”
By evening, Hyacinth’s house gleamed from top to bottom. Every cushion sat at precisely the correct angle. Every spoon shone. Richard had polished the brass door knocker three separate times.
“I think it’s polished enough,” he sighed.
“It should reflect good breeding.”
“I can already see my exhausted face in it.”
The next morning, Hyacinth stood beside the window every few minutes, peering through the curtains.
Elizabeth arrived carrying flowers.
“I wasn’t sure which arrangement looked most elegant.”
Hyacinth inspected them carefully.
“The roses are perfect.”
Elizabeth smiled.
“The daisies, however…”
“Oh dear.”
“They look cheerful.”
“I was hoping they looked tasteful.”
Just then, a black executive car slowly entered the street.
Hyacinth gasped.
“They’re here!”
She rushed outside before the vehicle had fully stopped.
Richard followed at a considerably slower pace.
The driver stepped out and opened the rear door.
A smartly dressed gentleman emerged carrying a leather folder.
Hyacinth curtsied.
Actually curtsied.
The gentleman blinked.
“Good morning…”
“Welcome to the Bouquet residence.”
He looked at the folder.
“I’m searching for the Community Hall.”
Hyacinth froze.
“The hall?”
“Yes.”
Before Richard could gently intervene, a second car appeared behind the first.
Several well-dressed officials climbed out.
One of them carried a large polished trophy.
Hyacinth whispered excitedly,
“Richard… this is definitely them.”
She swept confidently toward the newcomers.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I trust your journey has been comfortable.”
One official smiled warmly.
“It has indeed.”
Hyacinth beamed triumphantly.
Then the official added,
“Could you direct us to Mr. Onslow? We’ve been told he’s receiving today’s Community Excellence Award.”
Hyacinth’s smile became perfectly motionless.
Onslow?
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